They turned tail, away they went over the hill and down into the field in wild disorder, and we after them. He sent right off for Scoresby, and put his arms around him and hugged him on the field in front of all the armies.
Nervously, I waited for the worst to happen. And he always saved himself by some miracle. Therefore, I wanted to find out more about our hero as soon as I could. This came as a shock to me.
Every one of them brought him another honorary title. Next to me sat a clergyman, who was an old friend of mine. He was not always a clergyman. It was painful to see him stand there and give answers that were miracles of stupidity.
He seemed to show the true mark of greatness. He is the stupidest man in the universe. Then, in the hottest moment of one battle down went our colonel. And anyway we went to the field.
We were over the hill before this insane movement could be discovered and stopped. Then, the Crimean War broke out. In no time, there was the greatest turn around you ever saw.
My heart jumped into my mouth, for Scoresby was the next in line to take his place. So, I said to myself, it would be a simple, harmless act to help him as much as I could. So, I pushed facts into his stupid head for hours. His fame had no effect on him.
They saw his stupid mistakes as works of great intelligence. He has filled his whole military life with mistakes. But, he did not know anything else. Look at his chest, flooded with British and foreign medals.
Until now, nobody knew it but Scoresby and myself. The English and their allies were steadily retreating all over the field. Everybody misunderstood his actions. The allies turned defeat into a sweeping and shining victory.
But, you see, nobody knew the secret of how stupid he really was. That honor will never disappear while history books last. He continued to climb up, over the dead bodies of his superiors. There he sat, the man himself, in person, all covered with medals. That is exactly what would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.
He has been a shining soldier in all our wars for years. He got high praise too, while others who knew a thousand times more than he were sharply criticized. Such an accident does not happen more than once in a hundred years.
Some days later I got a chance to talk with the clergyman, and he told me more. He was appointed an officer. If you will believe me, he came through very well on the day of the examination. Our regiment occupied a position that was extremely important.
Who could have dreamed that they would place such a responsibility on such weak shoulders as his. Instead, he moved forward and went over the hill to the left. The hundreds of eyes watching him, the worship of so many people did not seem to make any difference to him.
Your narrator was Shep O'Neal. But I was sure of two things about the clergyman. Well, sir, every one of them is the record of some great stupidity or other. An order came for him to fall back and support our right. He always spoke the truth.
The allied commander looked on, his head spinning with wonder, surprise and joy. He is just as nice and pleasant as ever, but he still does not know enough to come in out of the rain. And he got the highest praise.
They are proof that the best thing that can happen to a man is to be born lucky. By some strange, lucky accident, he was asked no questions but those I made him study. He has been followed, day by day, year by year, by a strange luck. Well, sir, convert jpg to word software try to imagine the result. One mistake now would bring total disaster.
Here is Shep O'Neal with the story. It must be the whole British army, they thought.
So, I went to work and tested him and worked him like a slave. And what kept me in a continual fear was the fact that every mistake he made increased his glory and fame.
Luck (Mark Twain) Text & MP3 File
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